In school.

Ha a thousand words. No two thousand. How did I get here? Way too much to say,  not enough time to say it. You should laugh with me. It’s a funny life we are living… wishing for a BIG DREAM and working the harvest field along the way. Thinking of creative ways to reach the lost and battling the war at the same time…. wow, that makes for a long day>>>>

Been thinking a lot lately about trying not to think. Yeah, it’s a brilliant thought… I think. See I think too much and at this point it takes His thoughts out of the equation which makes for a bad plan and NO SOLUTION. So I had to regroup. The weekend was slow after Saturday service. Spent time with Him>>>> Sunday more time with Him>>>>>> Monday time with Him….. Him, Him Him... that alone will change your perspective.

I find myself constantly telling others…. “that is not right thinking, if you were in His presence you would not think those thoughts” and then the Holy Spirit clears His throat in my ear and I am like, “oh yeah”… application for my own life…. Funny huh? It’s left me chuckling. So here I am learning. Learning. Learning learning more.

I am learning how to REST… which is like the most foreign policy in America. It’s as if resting were taken out of the dictionary and just plain doesn’t exists anymore. It makes me want to puke. I have vowed to do myself a justice and just “BE STILL AND KNOW”. I am learning that “doing” anything doesn’t make you any more holy, it actually if anything can be the very enemy of that idea. It keeps us focused on accomplishing, pleasing and other such things and truly takes away from the essence of any healthy relationship: intimacy. I am learning that “resting” in Him is okay. That sitting still and listening and soaking is what my soul needs the most at times. Why is this such an impossible task??? Back to those enemies of busyness = worthiness and other such skewed thinking.

I am over it. I am over trying to do it on my own. I am so sick of carrying the burdens of this life on my back. It’s impossible to carry. It makes me sore, it wears me down, makes me scattered and unproductive and quite tired. I am seeing how desperately sorry of a situation it can become without unceasing Trust in Him. It’s as if I feel “able to do it all”.

Ha, NOT. I am seeing how absolutely NOT ABLE I AM>>>>>

I learning that FAITH is the substance of ANYTHING> I mean EVERYTHING>>> I had the epiphany this week (thank the Lord for Beth Moore’s bible studies) that it’s actually Faith ALONE that pleases God… (Hebrews)…. So in actuality I am cheating myself when I am not….How and when did I start thinking that productivity + lots of it = Faith. If anything it has hindered me from the true production of it…. knee time, Word time… Him time… Ohhhhhhh, what a fool I am …. how is it that we forget these elementary lessons… BUT PRAISE HIM FOR TEACHING US HEY, AGAIN AND AGAIN????

I am so thankful that along this jagged hike of a road He has held my hand SOOOOO TIGHTLY…. I can’t get over how incredibly gracious He is to me. Incredibly ladies and gentlemen. Time and time again He beckons me and speaks to me…. It’s simply taking the time to recognize, to slow down enough to SELAH>>>> to pause and soak and be still and KNOW that HE HAS GOT THIS ALL UNDER CONTROL>>>>>

The battle is not NATALIE”S….. the weight is not for me to carry…. the tools are to be used NOT wasting away in the shed… the problems are there to refine, to mold and sharpen NOT to break and hurt and cause pain…my Dad would say, “your perspective is your reality”…. When do I even have time to not think or not think about it all…

So let’s wrap it up with a simple game… as of today, 11:30 on this beautiful Friday we will play highs and lows… anyone can join in…. Low for today.…. “Not enough sun shining in it”…. High for today… Woke this morning with Aretha playing in my head…“Youuuuuuuuur all I need to get by”…. Oh my goodness I swear a part of me is a mad black gospel singing, soul shaking…. purple, purple, purple wearing WOMAN>>>> Lisa and Debs, that purple, purple, purple is for you…. So OH HAPPY DAY for that. Oh 2nd high note… you can have two… I got to start my day with the Rodger family… minus one… I know, sad face… So for the happy picture…

Prayer requests… I need to know when and what trip to take to Africa this year, there are several HPC is taking and I just need to know that I know which one He wants me to be on if any at all…. 2nd…. Pray for my face…. it’s out of control with these red bumps…. They claim it’s a mixture of stress and hormones… whatever….. I just need it FIXED>>>>>> And pray that I REST.

I love those kids up there… SELAH.