Race, game… Idk

So it’s been quite the trek over the past 5 days… 5 months…. whatever…. it all morphs into one at this point. I am learning more than I did in the 16 years of formal education I went through which costs thousands of dollars, thanks Dad… this learning on the other hand counts for eternity sooooo… thanks BIG Dad.

This was the first nudge from Him this morning. I had a great time with Him in the morning and then the first stop of the day, to pay a bill, He comes and blesses me with this lady in the line in front of me. I just chuckled as I fling my phone out of my back pocket and snapped a pic.

For some reason these days I think I stopped the running the race. Yeah, I think I got worn out, tired and just plain dehydrated. Definitely the last. I couldn’t muster up the energy to run really nor did it seem appealing in the least. It’s as if I was sapped, nada… on ZERO. Still on my knees but I was still sapped. I wrote in my journal that I had officially come to the end of myself. Like NOTHING was working. None of the familiar tactics, none of the familiar weaponry… tools.. NOTHING, it all resulted in the same result… NOTHING> I wrote it like this… “I am a blind woman fumbling her way to a door in some direction”…. No one is directing me but He is indeed holding my hand. My awareness of His grip is at times blurred or distorted however never not a guarantee.

It’s like I am learning a whole new game. The rules are constantly being brought to my attention at the most inconvenient of times. But I must incorporate them. It’s not an option, more of a necessity more like if I don’t learn, I can’t play. The whole thing about it is I am constantly incorporating. I am wandering when the whole mess of a game will let up and I can just can enjoy the sport. Maybe not in this game? Maybe not in this life? Season?I don’t know.

Who knows, He does. Nonetheless He ALWAYS comforts. It says, “blessed is the man who mourns for he will be comforted” and well He don’t lie. So I am learning to embrace brokenness. I am learning that having it all together, figured out, in it’s nice little box labeled “LIFE” doesn’t mean nothing. All it really does mean is your mistaken, that you have utterly been lied to or better yet, lied to yourself. Wheeew…. I think I am writing out of frustration at this point and should probably conclude or not publish.

I just looked longer at the pic and noticed the runners in the various positions. It makes me smile. I realize that at one point he was down, that it was actually a “stage” in the race, a quarter in the game. I do see the victory at the end as well though, I do see the arms stretched high and the beauty of the race completion and VICTORY. I do see. I WILL SEE>… and now I will sleep! Thanks for listening.