Yours.

Lately I have been thinking loads about the time I spend spending time.

Is it productive? Is it what I need, want or should be doing? And every now and again I wonder if it is “eternal”. That last one came up in a conversation with my room mate. It’s a terribly hard question to answer and one that I would rather avoid.

Is my life “eternally” impacting? Is it one that will conclude with a “well done my good and faithful servant”. Is it one that does truly exemplify, “not my will but Yours be done”…  I mean GASP!

I would love to look you all in the face and say, “yes, of course I am doing all that I am supposed to be”. But then there is that sneaking suspicion that if I was then why does it bother me so. It’s not as if I am determining if my shower was right. Did I wash all over? Yes. Did I miss anything? No. Then perfect!

But this is not the case.

Nonetheless I have resolved to ask Him and get a straight answer. I do know that this will be a daily asking. So much of this will be a daily giving of my heart back to Him, the one who does always know best.  So much of me wants to be back in Africa. So much of me wants to be married, wants closer relationships, wants, wants, wants. But then I stop and I say, “what the heck do you want for me God?” Cause at the end of the day or should I say life… it’s You I am answering to anyway.

And so I digress with the thought of no matter what I want, I want You MOST of all and I pray that I am willing to say and do and be ALL that you WANT me to be.

Psalms 51:12… “grant me a willing spirit, one to sustain me”…