Dancing does a SOUL good.
Lesson #47812
Once upon a time there was a most precious girl who loved so much. She loved love. She loved the idea of it. She loved it in action. She loved to be trampled down by it. She loved to give it to the people passing around. She surely loved love.
Her Dad whispered to her one day and asked if she wanted to be a part of a super secret plan. She gladly and eagerly accepted His call, leaving all of herself to His request. Over the next weeks, day by day He spoke to her on what she was to do and say. Month after month she would listen and wait. She reveled and laughed and danced and played.
One afternoon He told this little girl, we will call her Silly. He told Silly that He had something that was a part of the plan. Silly was so excited that there was MORE that she did not know about yet. Eagerly she approached Him to receive the rest. He told her to close her eyes and open her hand and Silly did just as He said.
It was a tiny, shiny seed that He placed right in her hand. “Go and plant it”, He said. So Silly did just that. She would visit the little seed she planted over and over again. Week after week- waiting to see if it did something- anything. It never did. For weeks she would come, believing that day would be “the” day.
She began to pout and cry when it was not going her way. I even saw her stomp her foot- although if you asked her she wouldn’t admit it on any day.
Well Dad came by that spot to find Silly in her dismay. He asked her the matter and she threw her fit and yelled and stammered and told him all- bit by bit. He stood and listened and nodded and gathered all her fowl. He sighed deep and long and began to sing Silly a song.
He sang,
“that’s not for you to do the growing, it’s only for you to do the planting”.
She said, “but, but, but” and He said,
“No, I only asked you to plant it. I can handle the rest from here. I am sorry for your frustrations and your tears but understand my Silly girl that I deeply desire to make it grow, it was only the planting that I wished for you to undergo”.
Silly loved to hear His song and after thinking on it long she began to understand that she had it all wrong. “I am to do the planting” she realized. She laughed the way silly girls do and asked Him to help her with the bit she was to do.
And they lived happily ever after….
1 Corinthians 3:7… “So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.”
My MANNA
My piece from Heaven.
In every season, there are a thousand reasons to keep on keeping.
Some are more apparent than others.
What I am seeing that it’s ALL from Him- our King.
There’s a story of a beach that is covered with washed up “starfish”. A walker along the beach started picking up one and then another and tossing them back into the sea so they could live again. When another walker mocked this one’s work- saying it was useless because there were so many- the 1st walker said, ‘it might not make a difference to the mass on the beach but it makes a difference to the ones thrown back”.
Lifes’ ride.
I could write a thousand things but I won’t bore you with details so I will skip to the most wonderful and crucial.
There have been a lot of lessons in the life of Natalie. God and I have talked through some pretty weighty subjects and I am thankful for His continued guidance and generous proportions of grace through them all.
UNCONVENTIONAL
This is a word that has run back and forth in my mind a thousand times a day over the past weeks. It seems to encompass my everyday life. I think mainly in the aspect of my “work”. I have a part time job at the Donaldsonville DreamCenter for 20 hours a week. This was not what I started with in the beginning of 2009 but as of October, when funds for my grant were cut, it became my reality. To not have the typical 9-5 job was enough but then add a God-sized vision for something unseen that was planted like a seed in my heart- one has hd to learn a lot over the past several months. My mental complex has gone like this, “what I do, is what I am and therefore if I am not doing- then I am not….”
Ughh, sounds gross when I am reading it on my screen. It is what it is though and I have had a heck of a time working through it. A friend of mine called last weekend. He is the sort of man that wishes to remain nameless and prefers stories over steak and scotch to coffee. I met “man” when I was in the hardest crux of my life. About 6 ears ago I was at LSU and mom and dad were sick, soon to be gone but at the time sick. I walked into his life or I might should say, God collided ours together one afternoon. It was a great addition to my life and have since progressed into a lovely relationship of conversations and memories. He had barely said hello when he said this…
Natalie… in the words of Tom Paxton…
If you see me passing by
And you sit and you wonder why
And if you wish that you were a rambling too
Nail your shoes to the kitchen floor
Lace them up and bar the door
Thank your stars for the roof thats over you
He sang it to me of course (his memory is impeccable) and I listened and groaned. He said, “Natalie… do what you KNOW you are to do and do it the best you can”.
I was moved- deeply matter of fact. It was a stunningly beautiful day and his wisdom covered my heart thicker than the blood running through it. In my soul are a lot of things but a few that I will live to die for and that alone is enough to press through the resistance of this simple mind. I was riding my bike yesterday- attempting 20+ miles- and God spoke to me so clearly out on that road. I was listening to this song by Hillsong called HistoryMakers and the version was a live one. The chorus faded and the singer began to talk about Psalm 24 and about the clean in heart ascending the hill of the Lord. He said it’s “not about what we “do” per say but it’s all about what’s in our hearts”. The moment was so profound I stopped in the middle of the road and looked heaven bound. I knew that He was speaking to me. I thought about my “unconventional rambling life”. I thought about the dreams that I want to see come to fruition. I thought about all the people who look at me and say with their eyes, “what are you doing with your life?”
And it all came to a halt as His clarity fell upon me. He began reminding me that I am doing what He has purposed in my heart. Being “perfectly where He had planned for me to be- unconventional and all- dreaming crazy dreams and pursuing the unseen.” So here’s to barring the door and thanking the stars and to doing what’s in my heart of hearts- even if it’s only in my heart.
Absurd Jesus.
So it seems that I am finding out more and more that my relationship with Jesus is not that crazy. This is an “ah-ha” moment ladies and gentleman.
I was reading last week in Matthew 17 . I read this part about Peter and Jesus rolling up to the Temple and being asked for the “Temple Tax”. At first glance I smiled thinking- He is God and all… really…. and if He wanted he could zap you temple taxers into oblivion and not look back. However that’s not the God we serve right?
So Jesus looks at Peter after being asked for the money and asks him, “do kings tax their own people or the people they conquer”.“they tax the ones that they conquered” Peter in all his smarts says- and then Jesus declares, “and the citizens are free”. This is all norm to me. I read on to Jesus’ instructions to fetch the tax however and get slapped with absurdity.
Jesus tells Peter as follows, “Go to the sea and throw in a line, the first fish you catch will have in it’s mouth the tax for both you and I”.
WHAT?!?!?!
I thought about this statement. I thought about how absurd it was and how Jesus might have been considered a bit crazed when saying this sort of thing. And then I thought about our friend, Peter. I mean honestly if I was on the receiving end of this command I would be scratching my head and looking to Jesus with that “did you get enough sleep last night” look. I even turned the page to see where the story led to but that was it. That was all I had to go on. A crazy command and probably- knowing Peter- somewhat immediate follow through.
Lesson: Jesus asks you to do things that are beyond your rationale and frankly you probably will think, “this is crazy” and you know what- it is. And what I am learning is that, “if it’s not crazy, it’s probably missing the God factor”. If we could figure it all out, what’s the point of doing it anyway.
My life has and probably always will be one of those absurd stories. If I shared it’s details you would indeed look at me with that same, “what the heck are you smoking” look and even though that was once the story- it is no longer. The writer of my story is unpredictable, irrational and full of surprises and you know what?
I FREAKING CRAZY LOVE IT>
“charismatic” cloud lifted.
I was thinking the other day about Jesus and all and I was like so much of our relationship is “experience”. It’s been that way since 03 and I was trying to think if I was mad or if this was totally legit.
I learned a bit about “mystics” (the pursuit of communion with, identity with, or conscious awareness of an ultimate reality, divinity, spiritual truth, or God through direct experience, intuition, instinct or insight) in the college days and I was always intrigued by their times with their Father. I think the combination of several factors has gained my admiration for these “times with Him” and thus cultivated this sort of relationship I have with Him.
Let’s look at this… I lost two parents in the matter of 4 months. In the midst of this craziness I was technically “saved” in the “born again” sense of the term and I reveled in my time with Him. I can only explain my hunger for something as what introduced me to this kind of relationship that I deem totally normal and most necessary.
CS writes, “If you find in yourself a desire, which NOTHING in this world satisfies then the probable explanation is you were made for another world”
This piece of info was the theme of my days then. I had tried everything. I mean my family was wealthy. We were far from need and most definitely more on the “want” side of things. I tried the bars and the boys. I was on an endless pursuit for pleasure and fulfillment and nothing came to the rescue. Until I was found by Him.
I know that my completely eccentric ways are the whole reason that I have this type of relationship. I only know that without these heartaches of deep loss I should have been driven to more sex, drugs and rock and roll- or anything else that could satisfy the need in my soul- instead I was intrigued by this new found relationship which seemed to satisfy me in ways I had never known.
I remember a literal hunger pang for Him. I had no other hopes in the world or people or particulars in my life. The guy I was with had gone crazy and I was more passive than the wallpaper allowing this tangent of my life continue into oblivion. I knew the only solace during this time was in these intimate moments I was experiencing with my new found friend.
My desperation has decreased but the same is true for now. I expect when I seek Him, to find Him.
I started thinking of all the places in the Word that literally God “showed up”. I am no theologian but I could see that most of the characters from the Scripture had these incredible “defining moments” with Him.
Moses and that crazy burning bush. The sea parting and all. Joseph and his vivid dreams. Abraham and specific holy visits from His Heavenly Father. I knew this wasn’t just something for them. And NO, I am not saying I am comparable to the Greats of the Old Testament, I am just trying to paint you a picture.
I saw the “charismatic” cloud lifting, making room for the sensibility of the Son to show up.
There are MORE incidences of people showing up in a remote place with Him than not. It’s laced in the characters lives one after the other. Look for yourself. I am thinking of Daniel in the den. I am remembering Samuel being “woken up” in the middle of the night by who, oh yea, the Man Himself.
And think about it, it’s all over the New Testament as well. How many times did JC give a dream to one of his prized possessions? Like Joseph and Mary. And the story of Elizabeth and John the Baptist and Saul who became Paul’s- literal conversion moment with His Dad. It’s all over the dang place. These are just off the top of my head but I am 100% sure that if I was to delve I would not be disappointed. And some are thinking, “well, that’s what you are looking for, of course you will find it!” And you are precisely correct, I just want you to find it out for yourself like I have repeatedly done.
I see that a large percent of God’s proving and in our life comes from our literal “time with Him”. Not just, “let me read in my Bible for a bit or turn on the worship music while I am driving”.
NO! I am talking about, “time to get face to face” or “face to bush, or to the ground”… you get my point.
Esther>
So I have this awesome story for you!!!!
Okay so kept hearing “Esther”, “Esther”… “Esther”.
I knew I probably should start reading. Part of me, that small proud part, starts stammering, “I know the story God”… She is like in the palace… all her people are about to die. There’s some impaling in there and I know for sure she totally saves the day. So basically, I don’t know why you are telling me to go there but I am going anyways.
I was reading and reading. It was one of those reads that you really get in to it turns out. Like you can hear the sound of the horses riding by on the streets or smell the perfume of the gal that passes- sort of reading. I was in it.
So I get to this part that I am sure I have read before but for some reason this particular time it was so much louder! It’s in chapter 6….
That night the king had trouble sleeping, so he ordered an attendant to bring the historical records of his kingdom so they could be read to him. 2In those records he discovered an account of how Mordecai had exposed the plot of Bigthana and Teresh, two of the eunuchs who guarded the door to the king’s private quarters. They had plotted to assassinate the king. 3“What reward or recognition did we ever give Mordecai for this?” the king asked. His attendants replied, “Nothing has been done.”
And it hit me like a bug on my face on a motorcycle, “GOD CAN DOES IT”.
Are you following? Okay, like Esther was totally IN THE PALACE and SO could have been like, “Yo, King… I have this dude and he has saved your life and been faithful to your Kingdom and all and I really think you need to notice him”.
BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO-
God already knew what time it was.He had it set up before time had began. God was like,
“I am not going to let this dude sleep at night and then I am going to give him the thought to read this random “Book of History” that is collecting dust in the corner and THEN I am going to honor my honorable Mordecai by allowing the King read this random bit of book during his insomnia episode”.
I was freaking out. Obviously you can tell it was a very timely word for me. I KNOW it’s timely for everyone however. I mean we are all believing God for certain anythings’ in our lives and thinking, “well if I do this or that then I can totally HELP make this thing happen” and God on the other hand is thinking, “Trust Me, I got a plan that’s realllllllllly good”.
FEAR vs FULLNESS> > >
I was just informed this week that I am a “doubter”.
I know it was not a “new revelation” however it has been quite apparent that it is hindering me specifically in my endeavors at this point in my walk of faith.
I have a deep sense that I am not the only one so I will share with you all my guts so that you might identify and hopefully be strengthening. I was challenged this AM by a particular devotional I receive called “She speaks”. It’s a great bit of voice that starts many of my days and helps me to see Jesus in my daily life.
This particular entry asked, “what do you fear?”… I think to myself… “what don’t I fear” more like it.
I have thousands of numbing voices throughout my day telling me I am not this, too much of that and a slew of other soul killers that keep me in a pit of doubt. I hate them but lately have found myself too tired to fight them. When I say lately I mean this week. Basically I have been on this journey for years with Christ but as of 2010 He has opened my eyes to the goodness that He has for my life in a new way (Isaiah 11:1) I was yet to see. This alone has been a catalyst for my work in January and some of February until of course that stupid monster of a liar came to me with his ugly voices again and said all those nasty lies.
So back to my story.
This week has been one of those hard to get up and “FEEL” my purpose… I know, I know… it’s not like me and honestly within an hour or four it gets better and I can see the Light covering the bleakness. But well I much rather that initial, BAM, and just spring out of bed and feel the energy of life pumping through my veins and go about to my various activities with passion and confidence. But as I said, not this week.
I had a bit of a curve ball. See my job as of now is part time and the people I work for basically told me that I was replaceable enough to be let go to pursue what they thought was my next step in life, Africa.
I know, are you hooting and hollering? Well I wasn’t> I was shocked and stunned and perplexed and drawn to fast and pray. When she told me Africa part of my heart leaped and the other sank. It was quite a predicament. I knew so badly that Africa was aching for me and I for her but then what about the “Story” project I feel that He has been so strongly talking to me about since last MAY?
I knew I had to hear from Him and of course He spoke! That day in fact, well that night… and then the next day and the next and the next… It was an onslaught of confirmations. I didn’t have that blurry, fuzzy maybe yes or maybe no… It was an apparent, BOLD, loud answer. It was hard to hear as well but relieving. See the hard part was telling people “no” that in the physical could only see “yes”. And there was my fear right in my face.
FEAR OF PEOPLE.
I have it to the core. Well, it’s something that me and Him are working on. He started revealing to me last summer my crazy man pleasing heartache. I hated to see it but it was more than apparent and all too controlling. It moved and guided my every decision. Half the time I didn’t want to be where I was, doing what I was doing and with whom I was with but with my passive, fearful self I stayed. I stayed all too long as well.
So seeing this large controlling thing of a bob in my life was nauseating and most definitely defeating me more than I defeating it. So in the last several months He has been teaching me that the word “no” can’t bite me. Yep! It can’t bite me! Whooo hoooo!
But what about when your whole life is in the view of your most valued people and they say yes and you hear no?
Well I learned that Yes to Him is most important and far more peaceful than any other yes. So I declined with an email that was labeled:
GRATITUDE and FORTITUDE.
Basically overerly thanking them for such an opportunity but declining because of a conversation with My Father and hearing what He had to say about it all. It was probably the scariest email I have sent in my life and it was so free-ing in the same moment. Scary and freedom are sisters, maybe even closer than that, maybe even God ordained friends.
So the next week was of course not going to be a walk in the park now that I am looking at it.
I declined an amazing plan to say yes to His plan. That’s a hard deal and of course saying “yes” to God will lead to saying no to man and opening that door up for the Enemy to prey on your fear of a thousand things. Such as, “will the dream come to pass? Will I fall? Did I really just pass up my dream to be with my dearest family in Swaziland to do something that I can’t even see yet?”…. You see the DOUBT?
So that’s been my every waking day. The doubt, the loss of a great, for a best… A best that is not seen yet might I add. It’s a hard story but I believe with all my hear that if this FEAR of not seeing, not finishing, not birthing this dream can be diminished then all things will indeed be possible… I read another devotional that is dear to my heart and the last line read this…
“WHATEVER OUR FAITH SAYS GOD IS, HE WILL BE”
So there you have it. The story of a pesty beast of a thing that I am battling, please pray.
I KNOW YOUR FAVORITE>
I love to WRITE but I can use a camera as well. I adore Highland Coffees that is nestled in the corner of LSUs north campus. I have spent loads of time soaking up the aroma and musings of the joint since I moved out my parents house in my early adult life. It just so happens that there is an incredibly large amount of wall space that local artist and wannabes have the opportunity of giving their best efforts for the onlookers of our cozy BR.
And just so happens that Clarke said I could do a show there!
I choose 15 of the most worthy pieces from my time in Africa in 2008. It was a 10 month stint so I got a variety of shots including orphans, widows and the ever boring nature shots. I can’t stand a shot of a flower unless of course there is some sortof friend of mine standing by it. Thanks for that revelation Jim Thornber.
Nonetheless it’s my beloved Swaziland and all it’s warm faces that brighten my world in a way otherwise impossible.
At the very least these pictures are the stories that usually get overlooked, abandoned and never told.
My heart is beating for the names behind the faces and sees that now more than any other time is a time of “telling”.
Dave Ohlerking once said that, “once you visit Africa physically you visit it everyday thereafter in your mind”.
It is true and it is deep. Africa is a place unlike this one I live in now. It’s one with so little of anything that lacking is a normalcy. It has stories that we in comfy America will never experience. It has stories that will mar a soul if it is opened at just the right amount. I love Africa but what I love more is the God of Africa, the God of this world, whom knows no difference from place or people group. Whom only knows the sound of a human heart and the ache of a desperate soul. I revel in my knowledge of Him, well that is for today at least, for this moment in my cushy, well air conditioned nicely spread out house.
Rambling now… Here’s the show…
DO ENJOY….
Haiti.
I have been mulling over the Haiti issue for days now. I have not watched the news like many of you I am sure have been. Television is a luxury I put at the dead end of my desire list. I have however been regularly checking the New York Times for their recent pictures and articles on the tragedy.
There are thousands of pictures. Some more graphic than others but all terribly gut wrenching. I spend a awful amount of time examining a picture. From top to bottom, left from right. I am constantly taking in every single bit. I printed several of them out and put one on the backdrop of my computer to remind me of the “ongoing incident”.
I saw this one as I opened up my web browser this afternoon.
Her name is Natalie and it reads this…
Devastated
Natalie Tijor cries on the street after loosing both of her parents in the earthquake that has decimated Port-au-Prince.
I sat in awe. I have been grieved to the point of frustration over this event. My mind whirls as I try to figure out how such a monumental event will forever paralyze a nation. I think what else it does is hits me deeply on a personal level.
I can’t help but look at my heart in this matter. I feel this deep conviction in my life. It shakes my heart bad. Realizing that this life is terribly too short and our time here has NOTHING to do with what’s “here” but what’s around, what’s invisible to our earthly view.
I don’t know how to maintain this constant “view” of life but I am sure it has something to do with my heart. “For where your treasure lies, there also will your heart be” (Jesus). It makes me want to know where is my treasure. Can I name them? And if I name them, would I want to do it out loud?
Again, this is just thinking while writing.
All I know is that Natalie, the one in Port ta Prince is now an orphan. She has no home I am sure no people to call her home. Not only that but her sense of reality is forever scarred. She will never be the same. All things so once held as important or worth something I am sure is fading into the background of her new view. I ache to think of her spot in this universe right now. So broken, so alone. In need. In a desperate need. It’s as if she got pushed off the cliff she was just looking out off of. She was pushed with that kindof pain that leaves a bad taste in your mouth and in your gut. She didn’t ask to be pushed. She most certainly doesn’t know how to fly either. But my hope is that she will learn. She will spread those wings of hers and take flight.
Lord.
You are all we have to cry out to.
Dad, please take care of Natalie. Take her in your arms today and hold her against you as this pain swirls around her. Send someone that is crazy about you into her life. Send multiple people that are so in love with you that they can’t help but to reach out and be your physical hands and feet.
Lord move in Natalie’s life. Take what the enemy has used for harm and turn it to good. Only You can move in this situation. Lord take care of your people today.
it’s about “Soul Morphing”.
I feel compelled to write about something, anything… I am aching to get out what’s been on the in.
I have had more than I ever thought could occur over the last several weeks happen.
There’s been a shift in Natalie.
A shift in thinking, which extends to acting and into being and thus changes a person from one thing into another.
I can only explain its catalyst as “grace”. The only cause can be said to be supernatural. Mainly cause I know without a doubt that my “greatest efforts” are pale in comparison to these effects I am feeling.
I can only call this one thing: SOUL MORPHING!
09 was filled with wonder and beauty, need and desperation, shaking and aching, moving and uprooting.
I traveled back to my 2nd home in Swaziland not once but twice by God’s provision and tenderness. I was in my first wedding to one of my dearest friends. I was surrounded by God’s tangible love in ways I never envisioned possible. I signed on for a job that was teaching abstinence to youths, a message I disregarded in my own youth. I encountered my greatest enemy: my mind. I looked my past in it’s face and settled the score, something that could have never had happened until the stars aligned completely perfect.
I learned more than I asked for or imagined I could. I pressed in to Him in ways that I thought were only for other people. I faced dark areas of my heart, mind and soul that I would have gone a lifetime without addressing unless for His grace. I realized that the greatest problem is to think that there are no problems. And a thousand other things that I never anticipated in the beginning of 09.
There was a pressing. A breaking that was slow and steady throughout the whole year. It attached itself to every area of my life. My friends, my family, my work, my leisure, my everything. It’s as if God specifically positioned me for such catastrophic effects on my life. For a rational mind that alone caused pandemonium. I learned that my life is so much less about what I am doing and so much more about what God wants to do in me and thus producing His glory through me.
My best efforts failed. My highest hopes slipped away from my grip. The ease of my sanity was stirred and assaulted and I was left with nothing but Him and the gracious ones that He placed around me. I was taught how to sing in the night and how to cry in the day. I was taught that nothing else matters but my relationship to my beloved, my Father, my Creator.
I looked back on 09 in December and again with His pouring of grace felt gratitude seep into my deepest parts. I realized how crazy in love He is with me to allow me to go through this year with Him unharmed and stronger, greater in knowledge and wisdom. I thought gratitude was a word till December when I meet it face to face and was once again was wrecked. I realized that without 2009 and all it’s complexities, joys and failings I would not be half the woman I am sitting here. He showed me that Natalie is beautiful and loved and cared for and completely His. No amount of money can buy that kind of revelation, only blood sweat and tears from the soul and so for that I am grateful.
I will never fully understand what He is doing with any one area of my life. I heard the other day that, “God is doing a thousand things when really we can only see about ten”… I was comforted by that. It reminded me that I am just me and that He is the One and that without understanding that my life will be so much more frustrating. I am seeing more and more that my Trust to Him is far more greater when I turn my mind off and let my Spirit talk with Him.
It’s a terribly uncomfortable feeling to be caught in the midst of a “grip’s release” but oh the freedom to let go.
The easiness of relying instead of striving, of accepting rather than rejecting…
O the goodness of my heart beating in-sync with His. And for all these things I am grateful. I am so incredibly blessed my heart sinks with its weight. I wish so many things for 2010 but what I know without a doubt is that He wishes a thousand more. A thousand plus.
Its so cliché but I have to say the resounding theme is NEWNESS>
I believe for my own life that I have held onto so many things that are not what is to be identified to Natalie. I have for so long been categorized by x, y and z and He is adamantly saying that I MUST draw the line and allow Him to draw the line for me.
X, Y and Z have told me who I was supposed to be and that’s NOT God; that’s X, Y and Z.
This morphing from past to present, from old to new has been occurring in me for some time. It’s however ran its course and time for its completion. It’s time to let the old be the old and the new begin its fruition. He gave me Isaiah 11 the other morning… “yes, a new Branch bearing fruit from the old root”. What’s old will remain as the beginning of what is new. It will be the end that begins and that will set my wheels in motion.
The depth of this is indescribable. I see the past and all its implications within me and I see it’s limitations that it has caused in my life and it’s damaging repercussions. I hate the fruit and the trail of let down it has left.
And so I am left with a choice as we all are at some point. And I have chosen the blue pill. I won’t live in a false reality any longer. It’s time to get real. It’s morphing time.
it’s a CHAIN REACTION.
So I have always tried to wrap my mind around the complexity of a human chain reaction. Not some game of tag. Not a passing in the physical but a “passing of greatness”… “of God”…
“a passing of something amazing into the small snippet of people’s lives that we have the possiblity of being a part of.”
Think about it. It’s all day, everyday. It’s in the workplace, the car, the store… the on and on.. it’s what life is built upon and around… these snippets. And well in that bit of a of second or minute we pass “that thing” to the people we encounter.
I am sure it’s displayed on some commercial in some country, somewhere. This is no new thought but it’s just been something I am asking God about a lot lately. My thoughts are as follows…
“Being on our game is like having the radio tuned just right….”
You can imagine with me one of those old school pieces of metal that has the big knobs and few buttons, yes it’s called a radio… Well you know how you spin the knob and it goes from clarity to blurry in a second. Well that’s how our lives are in multiple ways. If I am tuned into to the right station it’s crisp and clear and sounds like a million bucks but if I am on that blurry area then it’s just obnoxious and frustrating.
So I am trying to fix my frequency. And in turn hopefully pass that good sounding stuff onto the people around me. You know in those snippets of time. Like I want my life to be sooooo in-tuned that I don’t miss a beat of anything or a “bit of any one” at that. With the pulling of a thousand things it’s hard to imagine a day of perfection, of completeness. I found myself in December falling on my knees saying something along the lines of,
“Did I do what I supposed to”…
I am sure we have all had similar moments and well if you haven’t: kudos. But for those of you who identify I feel that God is calling me STOP worrying about it all and REST in Him to find that satisfaction of completeness, that wholeness of mind and soul. I am sure without any time with Him would lead to those blurry frequencies. So I am challenging myself to FOCUS in on what He is asking me to do over the next several days as I am a bit behind on quiet time with Him.
It will make for a great start to the next 12 months and the next week or month…
It’s just plain ALL AROUND GOOD!
“I desire to pass on that which I receive from Him to that someone and I am the only hindrance of not.”
Still…
Still.
Waiting. Expecting.
Deciding.
Wanting. Wandering.
Planning.
You have a “place”.
It’s somewhere, this place.
This space just for me.
For me to pray, to play.
To laugh.
To teach my heart to pound and expound and to abound and to love my face off!!!
It’s a place, a space, a time for you and me.
To be.
To be nothing and everything.
The everything you want
and the nothing I do.
It’s for me,
from You.
Make that place, make it my heart!
“it’s a Wonderful Life” revisit…
Ohhhh, George Bailey….
“say brainless!“…
THEME: SACRIFICE, Giving one’s life for others.
…. “all that you can take with you is that which you have given away”….
“Each mans life touches so many others lives”… “When he is not there it leaves such a hole”…
“Every time a bell rings an angel gets it’s wings”…. “I want to live again, please God let me live again”…
Observation:
“Anything Potter steals from you or you accidentally leave on his lap; can be redeemed with the addition of getting something to play with”… in reference to Bailey’s Bank and Loan $8,000 being brought back to him!
… Hee Haw…. “To George, the richest man in town”…
“For NO man is a failure who has friends”…
and the best one….
Holy Ghost BAKE SALE>
So I sortof committed to raise funds for some buddies of mine from Africa. They are interns at the Healing Place Church in Swazi and they are coming to the States for several months to train under the Healing Place here. When I was told of the endeavor I fell in love with the idea. I requested to be the gal whom funded their airfare.
So here I am 7 weeks out from them coming and raising funds to get them here. All $3000 needs to be raised by January 13th! So I started brain storming. Bake goods. Everyone likes baked goods and Africa, yea… great combo. It was by God’s great graces that I was able to get into a Walmart to sell this weekend! So I rounded the troops and off we went…
Barbara Conti aka AMAZINGNESS in human form volunteered and did 5 people’s shares of baking and came both days to sell! The two of us had a phemenomal time on Sunday. I think delirium and boredom took over my speech and I had to let the words out. I think we laughed more than anything.
“Sweets for your sweet…. sweets for your Sunday evening, your Monday morning, your Tuesday…. sweets for a friend… sweets for your sweet tooth… sweets…. sweets…..get them while there still here…. while their still …. HOT….”
God moved HUGE though guys!
I was anticipating and believing for $500 but as you know… He always GOES Ephesians 3:20 on me and decided to bless the sale with $556! GLORY!!!!
And the MOST wonderful part of it all…. I GOT TO RING THE BELL!!!! You know the Salvation Army’s bell…. YEA. Well Tammy LET ME RING IT for like 10 minutes…. 2 different times… GLORIOUS….
This might be dangerous>
So he sought out to answer a question. He asked many. Should be interesting to say the least.
Triathlon!
So I am in!
I am signing up for a triathlon in the Spring and my training is starting NOW!
I need to be pushed, challenged and motivated and I figured what a better way than to push my body to it’s threshold thus far! I am excited and if you want to join me do feel free. It’s only like 3 miles of running, biking for 12 miles and a swim that shouldn’t be that long. I think anyone can do it with the right amount of time to train.
I got some new items which always helps to get the ball rolling….
These are my Vibriam 5 Fingers. The science behind it is that your arch is not manipulated and thus you have the best running platform. It’s a new concept but I can’t explain the goodness that I feel when I use these for my running. They were most definitely worth the investment. I have used them a lot! I also have my googles which are a must when in the swimming pool. My friends mom is training me for the swimming part of the deal and so I am off to a pretty good start!
Here’s to 2010!
“writers write”
If what I heard is true, that writers write like a runner runs then I am terribly out of shape in both areas.
I was up at 6am on Saturday and out the door by 7:15am. I was going to an early appointment. As I drove through my quiet neighborhood I was surprised to see all the random runners out and about. It wasn’t several yards and then I would see another one, trotting by… pounding the cement.
I thought about their devotion. I thought about how many people had not even peeped their eyes open in the world for the day and these dedicated people were already planning, enjoying and exploring this one.
I thought about what a friend of mine had said to me several weeks ago. Nat, “runners run and writers write”.
I sat on that statement several times since hearing them come out of her mouth.
I haven’t been dedicated to either my physical activity nor my writing. One is much more important than the other in my heart. The writing. I know He has told me to write the story of my life and the lives of many others. I know that they aren’t going to write themselves. I know that without severe discipline it won’t happen, not for this highly ADHD woman.
So organization and planning have come to be my allies and I pray their company completes their intention. Pray for us.
She’s got her ticket.
I haven’t been completely real. There is probably a hundred things about Natalie that you don’t know. Or it might just feel like 100! Part of me is swayed by the naysayers whose opinion is for me to keep it all to myself. The other larger part of me can only hear the unrelenting voice that propels me into transparency and vulnerability.
I suppose we are all here at some point. A place where our body feels like a wishbone being tugged by two 5 year olds. Who’s going to win? Which one will end up with the larger piece? I know where my heart wants to end up. And I am sure it will because there is no place like this place I am.
It’s every bit of real this place you know. It’s heart affecting real and that’s why I adore this place so much? Who wants a story that is filled with fulfilled desires of consumer living or paty cake relationships that end before beginning. No one likes the likes of those anyway and well if they do then we probably would run out of things to talk about anyhow. Or in the other larger case we would probably not even be drawn to each other in the first place.
It’s terribly hard for me not to be real. It’s just the mind I have. I hear about “masks” that people wear as characters not wanting the role they have been given or even signed up for themselves and I honestly can’t identify. It’s a terrible sadness I am sure but I have my own terrible sadness-es. I have one’s that to me seem to be the end of the world and I am sure to others they would throw their hand back behind their face and say, “ahhhh, that’s nothing”. But to me it’s everything and to the people that wear the masks, it’s everything to them.
And so we are all one in the same so to say. We all have that something or something’s’. We all pray that it goes away but the reality of these things is that they are the exact things that rid themselves of the very power they have over us. It’s not as complicated as I have just said. It’s quite simple. “What we let fester in our hearts begins to lead our hearts” and the only thing that should be leading our lives is Him. Not the masks, the secrets or any other ploys of the Enemy we all are familiar with if we are quiet enough to listen.
I have been challenged here lately to be real. Not so much to you all but to myself. And what has come from it has been the single most liberating happening in my life.
Thanks Truth, let’s talk some more. Bring Realness by too, we have somethings to discuss as well. And do bring lots of Time cause Lord knows these conversations are lengthy.
Story’s 1st “StoryPROJECT”
Hey everyone! We are working on raising funds to build a cinder block house for a very special family. Here is the story from a personal side of the whole deal. His name is Kerry and he is committed to telling their story in hopes for a better life for this family!
I am thinking we are going to capitalize on 60 second videos. As of now we are working on getting a web designer and get this BALL ROLLING on this Story project….
